2.25.2009

The Backbeat in the February Funk

After September 11, we all expected each other to be flaky, emotional, to have trouble sleeping, to be inappropriately open, to reorder our priorities, to acknowledge the world was breaking up around us. It was a major disruption and public.

What's different now? Why is everyone cranky and thinks it's "them?" How could it be "you" when things are falling apart?

We were glued to the TV, to the recaps of the buildings as they crashed and evaporated. We were filled with denial -- I remember the posters, "missing person," over all the lampposts. It was baffling and external.

And now for months I've been staring at the ^DJI, down, down. Back in time, back to 1997 now. Before Gavin's first "death." Before 2001. Before the dot.com bust and reboom. We're drowning in tales of people cutting more than corners, of abandoned pets and homes, of seniors ruined by Madoff. Some assisted living facilities are offering that you can have a roommate now. I'm so glad I'm not close to retirement. I'm so glad Mr. Fresh's parents were scared early on. I'm glad I have a cheap house and I'm so, so happy to not be alone.

Yes, I'm in a seasonal funk, and I'm still grieving, and I do hit that special widow dramatic spot of "why me?" when I get low. Add that to numerous real issues in my personal bit of the world and this is a challenging time for me.

I remember September 11 feeling unbelievable and totally real at the same time -- a lot of us said "surreal."

But this crisis is just plain real. Many of us, at least in my town, only cracked open our clenched eyes two weeks ago and we are all feeling it. Hell, I think the concrete feels it.

Why aren't we all giving each other room to be grumpety-grumps? (Why aren't we all considered heroes for showing up and soldiering on, as we were on September 12?).

Maybe we all feel we are partially to blame, even those of us who can say we didn't benefit from the boom. We were still living in the dream world. I heard a story about someone who went to jail for an alleged sexcrime and said he hadn't fought harder in court because of his Catholic guilt over having sex at all. Do we all have something like that going on?


* * * Some comments * * *

1 comment:

Jo said...

I've been what I describe as a worry loop ever since Palin was named as VP nominee. If it isn't one thing to fret over it's another. The election, the bank bailout, the big Three, the economy, a sore tooth, Sean Hannity, my dog not eating for a day, the crack in my car's windshield. Did you ever do the experiment where you filled a pail with water and spun it around so fast the water didn't fall out? I've been riding in that bucket for months, waiting for the giant cosmic kid spinning it to let go.

Gardening helps.

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