In grieving group, we often talked about "the new normal." What future might that describe? One when you didn't cry every 2 hours? One when you could make a decision? Would it be like everyone else's "normal" or just a bit better functioning than now, with higher standards than now?
I might almost be living a (never "the") new normal now, as a remarried widow. We'll attend an opening tonight that includes a few drawings of Gavin's. I imagine saying "my husband" there and causing some confusion, maybe some eyes not knowing where to look, as we stand awkwardly holding plastic cups of cheap wine. "Oh no! I mean my living husband," I'll laugh. I felt still married when I started dating; sort of the best of both worlds. I had two men -- I was two women. Stable and allowed to be wild at the same time. (I know. Widows have a crazy way of looking at shit.)
And then I get this from one of my MBA lists. The business world thinks it can start adjusting to a new normal!
We wouldn't want to start making plans until we know if the wheels are done turning. Is the patient still dying? Will we ever know? Won't there be a grieving period? Will there ever be a "new normal?" And yes, what would it look like?
I didn't know it two years ago, but I do now. Those support group conversations always assumed this understanding: No. It will not be the same. Things will stop moving so quickly someday, but they will not be still. Don't even ask for them to be the same as they were. This changes everything.
(Oh, and McKinsey: Excuse me, this is a "conversation starter?" Is anyone having trouble coming up with things to talk about????)
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