Guest Post: Defining the Widow/er

On Facebook, I asked for jokes about loss and this appeared in my inbox. Since he's published it only via email, here is a guest post from my friend Jo Rozier:

Widow, n (‘wi-do)
Bipedal primates belonging to the mammalian species Homo Sapiens Alone-ous. Involuntarily solitary, widows are social by nature and can be fearsome predators. Athough they have a reputation for unprovoked anger they are often quite insecure especially about their appearance. Because of this they will rarely initiate a charge. If they do attack, it is usually a blind one to scare off those who are less than comforting...or to scare up affection. More often than not, the widow will use stealth techniques to ambush its prey, rather than speed.

Widower, n ('wi-do-wer)
The male version of the bipedal mammalian species Homo Sapiens Alone-ous. This creature, formerly known for its great strength and cunning, now cries at the sight of butterflies and can be seen looking at pretty flowers. Now that it has to run the household on its own, the widower quickly realizes its former mate was much smarter and more organized than he. Its appearance is often characterized by excessive amounts of gray in its mane or what’s left of it. Although involuntarily solitary the widower can be reluctant to engage in a new relationship for fear that its first partner will somehow find out and he’ll still be in trouble. Particularly susceptible to the attentions of a widow. Approach with caution.

Children of Widows or Widowers, n (children of wi-dos n wi-do-ers)
Long term: the offspring of a widow or widower are observed to be very capable and surprisingly well adjusted. While some may exhibit problems making lasting commitments because of their painful past experience most develop the capacity to live and love to an astounding level. They take little for granted and are often a source of incredible compassion for others who have been hurt deeply. They are the embodiment of resiliency and strength.

Short term:**** WARNING, APPROACH WITH EXTREME CAUTION AND PROTECTIVE EQUIPMENT. DO NOT APPROACH UNLESS YOU’RE IN A LARGE GROUP !!! ****

These members, especially the “teen” version of the species, are capable of extreme fits of rage and destruction. Do not be deceived by quiet members of the clan, they are merely resting between rages and sizing you up for a meal. Can render great physical harm merely by looking at you. They do not suffer fools lightly. For more handling information go to your local library and look up anything on pit bulls, piranhas, great white sharks, or category 5 hurricanes.

(Thanks, Jo!)

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